The Boy Dilemma – Update

So last night, I finally convinced our daughter to admit she has a boyfriend. According to her, she has been “dating” this guy for about a month. We also found out that this boy is not the best example of what we would hope our daughter would choose.

From what we have found out, he has been in trouble numerous times this school year and even so much as to being sent to the Alternative School for his recent actions. When I asked her about his being in trouble, she said that he has not been bad towards her, even though he has been towards other previous girlfriends. I tried to explain to her that the only reason he has not acted out towards her yet is because she has not upset him yet.

To make matters worse, she never told us that this same boy had been showing up to her Wednesday Church Youth Group so they could see each other. Now we know why she got so mad whenever I was too tired to take her to Youth Group. Also found out that he was at the recent birthday party she went to this past Saturday. We found a photo of them holding hands at the birthday party. This Friday she was supposed to be going to another Birthday Party and we found out that she was secretly inviting this boy to the party so that she could see him.

So, I asked her if she understood why we were so upset and she said she did not. So, I decided to explain to her that by not following our rule of speaking with us before saying Yes to a boy, she was disrespecting our rules and us as her parents, because she had lied and kept the secret for more than a month. I told her that telling lies is disrespectful and her response was; “a lie is just a lie, it is not being disrespectful. Obviously I disagreed with her. I tried to explain to her that if I told her she could go to a birthday party this coming Friday and then told her that she could not go would be both a lie and disrespectful to her.

Well, I can tell you this, she is currently grounded from her cell phone and will not be attending the birthday party on Friday. We also said that since she is not following our Christian values, she would not be going to Youth Group for a while. She will get her Christian teachings on Sunday sitting next to the family.

However, through all of this, we explained to her that we love her very much and are trying to protect her from making bad decisions. While I know she has to learn from her mistakes, but when it comes to a angry and violent young boy, I would rather her hate me for a while than to have her get hit or worse.

While I know some people may disagree with how we are handling this, I can only tell you that we are doing our best and trying to help her get through these very tough and awkward years.


She has received her cell phone back and has changed her attitude for the better, for the most part. Sometimes I feel like I am dealing with Cybil, because, one day she is the sweetest girl in the world and then other days, she acts like we are the worst parents ever and can’t do anything right. This is the most confusing thing ever.


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