The Boy Dilemma – Update

So last night, I finally convinced our daughter to admit she has a boyfriend. According to her, she has been “dating” this guy for about a month. We also found out that this boy is not the best example of what we would hope our daughter would choose.

From what we have found out, he has been in trouble numerous times this school year and even so much as to being sent to the Alternative School for his recent actions. When I asked her about his being in trouble, she said that he has not been bad towards her, even though he has been towards other previous girlfriends. I tried to explain to her that the only reason he has not acted out towards her yet is because she has not upset him yet.

To make matters worse, she never told us that this same boy had been showing up to her Wednesday Church Youth Group so they could see each other. Now we know why she got so mad whenever I was too tired to take her to Youth Group. Also found out that he was at the recent birthday party she went to this past Saturday. We found a photo of them holding hands at the birthday party. This Friday she was supposed to be going to another Birthday Party and we found out that she was secretly inviting this boy to the party so that she could see him.

So, I asked her if she understood why we were so upset and she said she did not. So, I decided to explain to her that by not following our rule of speaking with us before saying Yes to a boy, she was disrespecting our rules and us as her parents, because she had lied and kept the secret for more than a month. I told her that telling lies is disrespectful and her response was; “a lie is just a lie, it is not being disrespectful. Obviously I disagreed with her. I tried to explain to her that if I told her she could go to a birthday party this coming Friday and then told her that she could not go would be both a lie and disrespectful to her.

Well, I can tell you this, she is currently grounded from her cell phone and will not be attending the birthday party on Friday. We also said that since she is not following our Christian values, she would not be going to Youth Group for a while. She will get her Christian teachings on Sunday sitting next to the family.

However, through all of this, we explained to her that we love her very much and are trying to protect her from making bad decisions. While I know she has to learn from her mistakes, but when it comes to a angry and violent young boy, I would rather her hate me for a while than to have her get hit or worse.

While I know some people may disagree with how we are handling this, I can only tell you that we are doing our best and trying to help her get through these very tough and awkward years.

Update:

She has received her cell phone back and has changed her attitude for the better, for the most part. Sometimes I feel like I am dealing with Cybil, because, one day she is the sweetest girl in the world and then other days, she acts like we are the worst parents ever and can’t do anything right. This is the most confusing thing ever.

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The Phone Dilemma

Don’t get me started on our Daughter and the use of her cell phone. As stated before, she is 14 and being rebellious as she has been has caused some discussions surrounding her phone and the amount of time she is on the phone.

I cannot tell you how much our daughter has her head into her phone; whether it is texting, phone calls, or just watching videos on YouTube. Maybe some of you can relate to this issue. 🙂

When she gets deep into her phone, everything seems to be affected by it. She ignores her homework, chores, or anything else around her. We have done the normal things like take her phone away, and that seems to work for a while, until we give her the phone back, then she slips back into the same old routines.

The problem with taking her phone away, is that her phone is a critical component of our being able to communicate with her during the day, after school, or anytime she is out whether at church or at someone’s house. Taking her phone away ultimately punishes us, because we need to be able to communicate with her. It makes is difficult to leave her at the house alone without a phone.

She is no longer able to use her phone in her bedroom or anywhere in the back of the house for various reasons. She must keep her phone in the living room at all times, and her phone charges in the kitchen where we have full access to it whenever we need it. Will discuss at a later time, why the phone cannot be in the back area of the house. Yikes, that was a horrifying adventure.

What do we do as parents to try and curb the behavior change when she has her phone?

The Boy Dilemma

Being the parents of a 14 year old girl and now dealing with boys has created some crazy moments between us and our daughter.

While we want to trust her, she has yet to earn our trust.

Rule #1: If a boy asks you to be his girlfriend, you must talk with us first prior to saying “Yes”.

That’s the only rule we have; however, she has violated that rule twice now, so it is difficult to trust her when she cannot follow one simple rule. We are not trying to rule her life, we are just trying to say; “Before saying Yes to any boy, you must come talk with us, so that we can discuss it”. Simple rule; however, this seems to be difficult to follow.

Now this weekend, she has a birthday party to attend and we know she is working with one of her friends to invite this boy that she likes. Don’t ask how do we know, that topic will come later; however, she is trying to be sneaky and we are not sure how to respond to knowing this information. We spoke to the parent of the girl whose birthday party she is going to and the mother told us that no boys were being invited, so we have verified that our daughter is trying to be sneaky in getting this boy to attend that she likes. The party is being held at trampoline place and no parents will be in attendance.

We have thought about several of our options;

1. Tell her that we know about inviting this boy and not let her go.
2. Pick her up early from the party to catch her and the boy.
3. Do nothing and let her get away with it.

So what do we do here? What other options can you think of?